Finding out I was pregnant.
The day I found out I was pregnant will forever be clear in my mind. I happened to be home from school that day because I was sick (was it morning sickness? One of those things I don’t remember) and my step-dad was also home. Back then when you needed a pregnancy test you gave a sample then had to wait a few days for the results. Just as my Mom and step dad were getting ready to leave the phone rang. My Mom answered it. I was lying down resting on the couch in the other room, but I could hear her. From the sound of her voice I knew who it was and from her reaction that the test had been positive. I was filled with so much happiness and I smiled secretly to myself.
Of course they weren't happy about it at all. As my step-dad was in the doorway, getting ready to leave he said a few angry words to me. He said I couldn't live with them if I kept it, couldn't get welfare and I wasn't going to give it up for adoption to get out of my responsibilities. The ironic thing about the adoption comment is that even though this is what I was pressured into, he STILL to this day thinks I gave her up so I didn't have to face responsibilities. But at that moment I wasn't sad or scared. I was thrilled for the life I had inside me and knew it would all work out somehow.
I was SOOOO naïve that whatever they told me I believed as truth. I really thought because they said I couldn't get assistance, then they must know of some reason why I couldn't get it. I knew they would have kicked me out if I had kept her. He really didn't give me many options. Confusing to say the least but in that moment I didn't care. Inside I was already in love with her. I knew a tiny heart was beating and it made me happy. I often wonder at this reaction. I was 17 and living at home. I was still in High School with no idea what I was going to do after. But here I was thrilled to be pregnant.