My adult adoptee daughter
Does she have feelings of rejection? Does she need to hear things from me that I haven't said? Is her need for perfection just a part of who she is or is it because she feels she will be rejected if she isn't? Does she feel anger at watching me raise her half siblings and them having more financially? Does she think sometimes, unconsciously or not, if she kept them why didnt she keep me? Does she fiercely protect her adoptive parents out of fear of being abandoned? Is she really just a well adjusted young adult that my family members insist she is? Do those family member even know or understand the issues of an adoptee? If she does have these issues will she ever talk with me about them?
I would love to open the door but don't know how. I am afraid if I bring up any of these issues she will be insulted, reject me and be angry with me and shut me out of her life more than she already does. There are things I have observed from my distance that I see are little signs that she does have some of the issues a lot of adoptees have to deal with. I wonder though if because we had/have such an open adoption and we were very much in her life growing up that she doesn't feel she has permission to explore these things.
There are so many thing I was told over the years that haven't rung true. There are many things I thought would be that aren't and it is breaking my heart.