I recently encountered a young expectant mom who was fairly early on in her pregnancy. She is gung ho about relinquishing her baby for adoption before even having felt it move inside her. She has contacted an agency and they have already given her family profiles, one of which she has already chosen to raise her baby.
Situations like this leave me feeling so helpless. I want to scream to her to make her see how these adults in her life are trapping her into handing her flesh and blood over to strangers. Of course by the time the baby is born these people wont be "strangers" to her anymore, but they will be to her baby, genetically and otherwise. This is how the industry insures that the business continues and the paychecks keep coming in. Throwing an expectant Mom in with hopeful adoptive parents and fostering a relationship between them will ensure the goods are delivered. If the Mom wants to change her mind, how can she without breaking the hearts of these people who have invested so much in her child? She is cornered.
I understand the thought behind behind pre-birth matching-that the baby and adoptive parents can bond as early as possible. Why not wait? There is a lifetime for decisions to be made, why does it have to be before the Mom really knows what is happening to her and her child? What difference does a few months make? Well I know of one, if a Mother holds her child and without outside influences, there is no way she would be able to hand that baby over to another woman.
My situation was a little different. I chose friends of our family to raise my daughter. Even though they (her adoptive parents) didnt put a lot of pressure on me, they did ask me on more than one occasion if I was going to change my mind. My family and church community reinforced this by telling me that I needed to be responsible and not go back on my word, it would break the adoptive parents hearts. So I was trapped and not given any other options.
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