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Its the story every adoptee is told. Almost none of them have an original reason as to why they were separated from their original families. "I was young, poor, unmarried and thought you deserved more than what I could have given you." So banal.

 It breaks my heart that I have no special circumstances or fairy tale ending to make her different than other adoptees. I'm sad that all I have to offer her are cliches that everyone else hears. I want to give her something more. I want her to feel that her life isn't one shuffled into the category of... "my Mom couldn't take care of me so she found someone who could." I want the story of her beginnings to be unique not some overused slogan tossed around by the adoption industry. I want there to be more as to why I gave her up. I wish it were more meaningful than the same old story and threadbare generalizations that are given to those severed from their first families.

But I cant do that. I bought the story that was sold to me and now this is her reality.


  1. the story everyone is expected to swallow is a lie, but there are no nice ways to tell an adoptee why they're not with the original family. i've thought a lot about what i would tell my son, and i feel the same confusion you do. i want him to know the truth and not some canned story, but at the same time, he doesn't need to take on my problems. the campbell's can of adoption lore may not be appetizing, but i think it is better than the alternative.

    1. I agree and it's why I've never told her how coerced I was...her amom knows because about 6 years in when I finally started coming out of the "fog" I told her.

      Then there is the individual you are dealing with and theirs wants and desires...and they dont necessairly tell us first Moms what they feel or what they want, its too painful for them.