Ever since I gave birth to V I have always been fascinated by genetics and how much of our personalities and temperaments are inherited. Even adoptees in closed adoptions who eventually reunite with their lost family can have striking similarities that are not just physical but personality quirks the are so much like their first families.
When my daughter was growing up her adoptive Mom use to tell me the V had this certain expression that looked just like me and would tell her that when she did it. Growing up I never knew my Dad and my Mom would tell me the same thing. Once I had my second child I noticed he had a certain expression that I realized looked just like one my Dad made...it was then I made a connection, we all had an inherited expression that we received from my Dad. I thought it was an amazing testament to genetics and how even the littlest things can be passed on by genes!
In my recent visit with my lost daughter there were mannerisms I had never noticed her doing before that I know I do as well. I think because I noticed them it made the trip a better one for me because I've felt so disconnected from her and realized that just because she doesn't really look like me doesn't mean she didn't get some big things from me.
One of the biggest things things I had noticed before but didn't realize I also did it was when talking with someone is that we initially will make eye contact but then our eyes wander...almost like its too uncomfortable for us to continue eye contact. For me its not that the eye contact is painful I think sometimes I am so deep in my thought of a conversation that I'm trying to concentrate. So as we talk we tend to look down and to the side a little bit. I've known she has always done this but didn't make this connection that bot of us do until now.
A little thing we also do I find amusing is when we eat, we put our food or utensil down in between bites. I didn't bring attention to these little things because I feel like she doesn't like references to similarities connecting her to us. I know, I know. I shouldn't assume what someone else thinks or feels without asking them outright. This is the next thing my therapist and I will be working on for my trip out after the baby is born, actually talking to her about my side of her adoption and how she feels about it.
